lefthertainted | [btr] [unfortunately public]

[Mio is making SO MANY ANGRY FACES at her journal right now. SO MANY.]

By the way, I don't need anybody's sympathy, so if any of you were thinking about saying something along the lines of "Oh that's awful," you can just save it.

[Cassie does want to leave sympathy, it's the first reaction to this. But Mio doesn't want it and she doesn't want to disrespect her wishes.]

If it doesn't hurt or anger you to do so

I would like to hear you play one day.

I bet you play beautifully.

I quit playing the violin after than incident.

It's been over 20 years now, so I'm sure I'm not any good any more, but...lately, I've been thinking that maybe I'd like to try to learn how to play again.

Edited 2011-08-21 18:47 (UTC)

Talent never really leaves you, I think. Once you're good at something, you never forget it.

I really do think you should.

Well, at the very least, I'm horrifically out of practice. It will take a while until I could get back to my previous level of skill.

I would need to go buy a violin, since I don't have one anymore. You should come with me when I go to pick one out.

[Cassie is forever excite! Music will always make her giddy and excitable okay.]

Yes, please! I'd love to! :)

How about on Friday? I will actually take some time off during the day to go out!

[ I am going to make a big timey-wimey socialization post for all of the people Mio has hung out with this week after I have gotten some sleep. Look for it tomorrow morning! (Well I guess it would probably be afternoon for you since you are 6 hours ahead of me. Whatever.) ]

Sure thing! I'll be in the Tower somewhere, probably the piano room. Just come get me when you're ready! :)

[Sounds awesome! :D]

[he probably just stares for a good ten minutes]

There's not really a good way for me to say this. Sorry sounds like pity, and I don't pity you.

I just wish I knew better how to help with that pain... because I know what it's like.

I'm over it now. Misao and I were competitive before that, and continued to be competitive for years afterwards as well. I just learned how to structure my battles differently after that.

I think, in the end, what cut deeper is that my scar became the most obvious reason why my mother could never love me. It's not as if she loved me all that much before, so it not like it was all that much of a loss anyway.

Your mother was awful, to put it nicely. We're always craving that respect and appreciation from our parents, but we're never really enough. At least, in the case of our families.

Your mother makes my father look like a bloody saint though.

She was an empty shell of a woman, obsessed with chasing something that could never be truly attained. I can at least understand that, even if it was deeply unhealthy and lead her to become emotionally abusive to those around her.

My father, on the other hand...I try not to dig into his motives too much. I already have far too many hungry ghosts that whisper to me in the night.

My mother was just weak. Loved my father too much, and was willing to turn a blind eye whenever he lost it. I never much held it against her, I suppose. She couldn't help being in love.

I can understand that. However, I would really rather not understand how someone would decide to murder their own brother and his entire family over a dispute. And I am not talking about about killing in the heat of the moment--I am talking about coldly plotting it out in advance, and then killing the man who was (presumably) blackmailed into setting it up and the rest of his family in order to cover it up.

The second part makes sense, in a very ruthless way, but it rests upon there being a logical reason for the first part.

Sometimes, when I'm falling asleep at night, I can hear his voice explaining his reasoning to me. And that scares me, more than a little.

There's a part of us that will always be connected to our parents, even if we don't want to be.

You felt remorse, when you killed. He didn't. That makes you different. I think I cling to my guilt because it does separate me from my father.

I think that connection is perhaps a little bit more literal in my case than most.

...not always. I've never felt bad about killing my father. Not even a little.

I think the more pertinent difference between my father and I is that I believe in the ideals of honor and duty, even if I'm perfectly willing to compromise either of both of them if necessary. He never believed in anything outside of himself.

Do you think there's still... a link?

There's a difference though. I never felt bad about any of the men I had to kill, because they were a threat to others. It's the innocent lives I still mourn.

Not so much a link as...more like an echo, I suppose.

Communication to the various dwelling places of the dead is definitely not within my skill set. I'm not really even all that good with earth-bound spirits. I'm perfectly happy to leave all of that the the spiritualists, mediums, and exorcists. Dealing with the living is bad enough, in my opinion.

We've already talked about this, so you won't get an that's awful or anything that might upset you, but.

I'm always here.

And if you need help in figuring out what the crap's going on in the journal network, I can do that.

It's not that sympathy is upsetting, precisely, but it's unnecessary and useless in this situation. It's something that happened a long time ago, in a different universe. Nothing anyone can say or do will change what happened, so I'd rather people save their sympathy for situations that can be changed.

It appears that the Rift is of the opinion that some of us need to ~*share our feelings*~. I don't approve.

...Either that, or we have an extremely powerful and very subtle Glaysa on our hands. I don't think that's all that likely, because I'm pretty sure I could recognize a Glaysa's tampering, and I didn't feel anything. Still, better safe than sorry. Could you look into that angle for me? It would most likely be someone old, to have that much power and finesse, and they wouldn't be the type t draw attention to themselves, so you might have to do some pretty thorough digging.

And...just keep an eye on things for me in general, would you? The Kashtta's been pretty upset with me over this whole Roderick Usher Situation and it's beginning to wear on me pretty hard physically. I don't suppose you managed to pick up any skills or knowledge about spirits, the undead, or exorcism while you were in that other universe, did you?

I understand that! For what it's worth, I like you just the way you are, scars and all.

YEAH, I've been looking at ... all the increasingly truthful entries and their own reactions to it later. It's not cool at all.

Of course I can! Consider me on it right away. Even if that's not the case, it's good to cross that off the list anyway. I'm up for the digging.

I will! And unfortunately, no, but I know someone that does have experience with this kind of thing. A supernatural hunter. They might know something about what to do.

In the meantime, can I get anything for you?

Plus, I'm really not all that up to date on the native supernaturals that don't interact with the Wanderer community that often. It's mostly the younger generation that hangs around here, have you noticed? We really don't have a lot of contact with older angels and demons, so it would be useful to have record of what the general sentiment is among the older generations even if we don't find anything to do with the cause of this sudden spate of public confessions.

It wouldn't happen to be Jo Harvelle, would it? Tell her hi for me, and sorry I haven't been around lately. I haven't been out of the Tower in oh...probably about 3 weeks. Has it really been that long? Well, fuck.

You should definitely make sure I get out of the Tower sometime soon. Even if it's only for an evening.

[ And then the narration says: Seriously, Mio, seriously? Am I going to have to get you a guardian so you will remember to do things like EAT? and SLEEP? FFS, you need to get a life outside of Torchwood, even if I will have to force you. >:E ]

I have! I think it's because a lot of them don't have homes of their own to go to, so they either hang out here or actually live here. Elashte's gone, right? That's also gotta mean there might be a new Neq coming in soon.

That would be her! I'll let her know.

[Pause.] Three weeks? Seriously?

Okay, that's it. Forget sometime soon. We're getting out now. I'm giving you some time to get ready so we can go have dinner some place nice, outside the Tower, because it is not good for you to be cooped up for that long.

I will not accept no for an answer!

[BOTH PHOEBE AND THE NARRATION AGREE.]

He left a while back to take care of some business with his holdings in Las Vegas, I think, and he hasn't returned to Chicago since then. There's still the remnants of a garrison at the Main Gauche....well, sort of. Demons never have been particularly good at living in regimented groups. \

If another Neq'ael were to move in on his territory, I don't think it would be all that hard for them to take.

...yes, ma'am. (.__. ) I'll go get changed straight away.

[ Mio is all like "I don't need a guardian! I can take care of myself!" and I am like "Heh. Heh heh. LOLOLONO, you fail at it so hard it shouldn't even be funny." And then Mio is all "I hate you!" at me and I am like "Uh-huh.Yeah, you do that."

Clearly, Phoebe needs to hold Funtiems Interventions with Mio on a regular basis. Or become Mio's guardian. Or something because Mio is being the most failbuckety failbucket that ever failbucketed at having a life right now. ]

It just feels like everything's up in the air lately, doesn't it? Not just politically, but in general. It might not be a bad thing but this is Chicago, so I guess I just automatically assume there's doom waiting around in the corner. Or maybe it's me still feeling weird about being gone.

That's what I like to hear! ;)

I'm giving you twenty minutes.

[If they aren't hating us, we are not doing it right!

I would totally be up for either of those options, btw.

Seriously. It'd be awesome for them and they should both have a life, not to mention they are kind of adorable with each other.]

You got it! I'll meet you in the garage? We can take one of the SUVs. [ Mio's never been a big user of emoticons, but hey, Phoebe started it first. ]

[ We should totally have Phoebe become Mio's guardian. That way Phoebe can be a guardian to another head of Torchwood with emotional issues! And then she'll be like 'Why is this my life? Is the universe trying to tell me something?' Besides, the Torchwood Relationships Web has been simplified too much since Jack left. We need to do our part to complicate it again. ;)

And they are the most adorable things for each other. Ianto helps Mio feel at peace with herself, but Phoebe is the one person who does the most to get Mio to loosen up and actually have fun. She doesn't do that nearly often enough. *linefaces at Mio* ]

Sounds good to me! I'll be there. [And, as promised, Phoebe's going to be waiting in the garage for Mio. She's dressed up a bit fancy, since it has been a while since either of them have gone out. She believes the occasion warrants fancy.]

[I would love this. Since there would've been another Riftpower Roulette recently, and they haven't seen each other since, it's totally possible, too. Hee! It's true. With Tay becoming Phoebe's guardian and Phoebe now becoming Mio's, I do think we're starting to do our part again. ;)

They are! Mio grounds Phoebe and gets her to be serious and focused on the job, which is something she does need also. Though she will be bringing all the fun out now. It's needed!]

[Post in the main comm! I figured this might go on for a while so it would be better to move this out of journals because it might go on for a while. Also, sorry I am so spectacularly procrastinatery about writing posts. .___.]

We've all got our scars.

In my opinion, no one else really needs to know where the fuck they actually came from. That's for you to know.

I hate this Rift effect. Just going to throw that fucking out there.

[Locked]

Anyway, I play the violin too. Not that great at it.

I don't think anyone is happy about this latest turn of events.

[locked]

I haven't played since then, to be honest. I do play the piano a bit, though. I'm decent, I suppose, but nothing special. I never did quite find the emotion in the music again after that.

Sometimes I wonder how things would have been if things had happened differently, but only out of curiosity. For better or for worse, that incident helped shape who I am today, and I wouldn't want to change it. I don't even regret the loss of the music all that much. There are other things that I find my solace and my comfort in now.

...and that was your unexpected philosophical musing for the day. I'm not even sure if that was the Rift's doing or if I've just been staring at columns upon columns of accounting numbers for too long.

If I find someone who is, I might have to punch them in the fucking face.

[Locked]

I think if there's any experience that would take the emotion of music out of something, that just about could do it.

I can look back on any fucking scar that I have metaphorical or otherwise and say the same. Makes it hard to have regrets if you know every fucking thing led you to where you are today and you want to be that person.

Either way, I don't really mind discussing. Better than trying to face my fucking bar after that particular name reveal. [Yeah, he'slocked himself in his office completely for the week.]

[locked]

I don't imagine that crowd will ever let you live it down, no.

I have been thoroughly scolded by Phoebe about the amount I have been overworking myself, so she's going to be dragging me out for dinner in a few minutes. We could get together together tomorrow, though, maybe. It always seems like we only ever have time to talk business when we see each other in person. It'd be nice to be able to talk about something non-work related for a change, even if we don't necessarily end up talking about my ~*horribly tragic*~ past. {insert overly melodramatic emo self-loathing here, or something} <-- (Although, you know, If I did that, I might just have to shoot myself in the head. I was bad enough as a teenager.)

Edited 2011-08-22 09:37 (UTC)

[locked]

Yeah, I'm not seeing it happening any fucking time soon.

I've been there. I get it. [He has a huge, huge issue with overworking too...and leaving the bar in general is hard for him to do for some weird psychological, fucked up reason that he hasn't been able to figure.

But he doesn't want to be in the bar right now so.] Yeah, sounds good. To be fair, we both work a fucking lot so. But there's nothing wrong with taking a break sometimes.

[And he actually snorts laughter. Not that she can see.] High school is either the time for melodrama or the time for doing really stupid shit. Sometimes it's a combination of the two. We don't want to fall back into those years tho. Never.

Best course of action would be a swift death. [Smirk. He's only half serious.]

[locked]

Well, now that the Rift has seen fit to give me back something resembling a staff again, I'm not actually having to take care of everything anymore. Delegation is a wonderful, wonderful thing.

The fact that I'm working this late in my office on a weekend is really rather telling, isn't it? I really need to get out more.

That, or the multiverse decides that it's a perfect time to give you a kick in the pants and tells you to stop being such a whiny brat because nobody gives a shit about your so-called injustices. Granted, there was also plenty of melodrama and stupid shit to annoy my mother before that happened too.

Man, looking back, some of the stuff I used to do to annoy my mother was pretty good times, even if a lot of it was ruined by the fact that I was too busy being ~*serious*~ and ~*angry*~ about everything to actually have fun.

Edited 2011-08-22 14:02 (UTC)

[locked]

I've had a decent sized staff and I delegate, but I'm always good at finding something to do. ~~All the time~~.

[Smirk.] It's telling for both of us. I'm in my office working too. With coffee so it's not like I'm thinking about calling it in any time soon.

I've always been a fan of kick in the pants when they're fucking necessary, and they get necessary a lot more often than people think. Think these universes are all just swimming in their own versions of melodrama.

Now see that's the kind of shit I'd like to hear and if you can laugh about it now, it's what counts.

Oh, I'm sure you are.

My original universe was a fucking soap opera. It was ridiculous.

Oh, I've got plenty of stories. It took a while, but after I got away from my family I was able to grow a sense of humor. Which is good, because if you don't have the ability to laugh at yourself in the Nexus you're going to spend a lot of time being miserable and indignant.

A soap opera? Fuck, and I thought this place was bad, but I wouldn't call it a soap opera.

One of the most important things you can grow. I think it comes in handy here too even if you still will spent a lot of time being miserable too. If you can't laugh at all, you're just about screwed here and I'm thinking anywhere else.

Secrets! Betrayal! Intrigue! It never ended. It was no wonder I spent so much time being angry about everything.

At least here in Chicago we can blame the Rift for most of my problems. In my original universe, we were the ones causing all of our own problems. It gave a rather personal meaning to the quote "Hell is other people."

I can't say I always appreciate the Rift's sense of humor. At least this thing with the journals is fairly minor, even if it is annoying. Some of the other things I've had to deal with have given me raging headaches...literally.

As the world turns so these are the days of Mio Hongo's life. Yeah, I'd be pissed too. Fuck, I still get pissed a lot of the time.

Fuck, yeah, I'd be in a forever pissed off mood. People annoy me enough as it is, and most of my problems are Rift related.

Yeah, same. It could be a lot worse, but when people have so little in this universe that's under their own control, it'd be nice if they could keep their secrets.

Yeah, there's a reason I got out of there and never looked back, save for one visit when I was 17 to settle a few things.

True enough. I suppose I'm just a lot more used to the vagaries of an unstable reality than most.

If you'd rather I pretended not to have seen this, just say the word.

Then again, if you'd rather have a few drinks and a quiet round of "bloody families, bloody Rift" sometime, feel free to just say that as well.

[look at her all with the interaction and stuff!]

I don't like talking about my family much with other people. There's a bit too much literal blood associated with that topic to ever make a pleasant conversation.

I would, however, be up for a few rounds of drinks (non-alcoholic for me, alas) and a round of complaining about Chicago an the Rift. Maybe I can even share a few stories about the dumbshit things I did when I was a teenager--those ones are a lot more amusing.

Fair enough. There are parts of mine I'm not keen to drag out of the closet either. And I hate those games of trauma one-upmanship that come out of those conversations unless one's terribly careful -- and believe me, in my old line of work, those got pretty spectacular. Stupid teenager stories sound like a lot more fun.

You're the one with the busy schedule at the moment, so I'll leave it up to you to say when.

Oh, I'm quite sure, if I'm even anywhere close to right about the type of work you used to do. Besides, the Trauma Olympics is not an event that anyone can win, so it's really best if we don't even try.

I'd prefer to go on a night where the bars are less busy, and I'm guessing you would too. That probably means a Monday or Tuesday, since things tend to build up as the week goes on. Still, I probably shouldn't let myself work any later than 8 pm on any day of the week unless something something dire is happening at that very moment. Plus, I've actually got something nearly resembling a team right now, so they can deal with any minor emergencies that crop up. I've got to get out of the habit of thinking that I need to take care of every little thing myself--that's what delegation is for, after all.

I really don't think I can pin it down much tighter than that, since I have to wait and see if anything unexpected gets dropped on my plate when the workweek starts. I'll send you a journal message on Monday to tell you how things look from my end, so please watch for it.

You've probably guessed more or less right. I can pass for civilian quite nicely, but it's an effort, and the circumstances under which we met probably rendered that impossible. I'll just be charmingly vague and tell you I worked for the government, shall I?

Monday-or-Tuesday sounds all right from my end, unless something extremely drastic comes up, and it shouldn't. I'll keep an eye out.

Just a little, yes. Getting accused of being a kidnapper tends to raise a few questions in one's mind.

Of course, then the question becomes which one?, though I think I can probably guess that too, based on the accent. Not that I really care anyway, since I'm supremely disinterested in the political maneuverings of governments anyway.

It's a plan, then. Well, as much of one as you ever get here in Chicago, anyway.

[btr] [unfortunately public]

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[OOC: And then, like a month later...]

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